every tree lined path
under the canopy of leaves
and flickering sun
until we get to a clearing
and there we will wonder
in the brief but open fields
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Time, in the Forest
I would chase you down
every tree lined path
under the canopy of leaves
and flickering sun
until we get to a clearing
and there we will wonder
in the brief but open fields
every tree lined path
under the canopy of leaves
and flickering sun
until we get to a clearing
and there we will wonder
in the brief but open fields
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
"as if, she thought suddenly, as if sensuality were not physical at all, but came from a fine discrimination of the spirit..."
Yes, yes! Thank you Ayn Rand for describing things that never before had words. I was surprised to find her insights transferred to sex (relationships). This particular one BLEW... me... away...
"Do you remember what I said about money and about the men who seek to reverse the law of cause and effect? The men who try to replace the mind by seizing the products of the mind? Well, the man who despises himself tries to gain self-esteem from sexual adventures- which can't be done, because sex is not the cause, but an effect and an expression of a man's sense of his own value."
"The men who think that wealth comes from material resources and has no intellectual root or meaning, are the men who think--for the same reason--that sex is a physical capacity which functions independently of one's mind, choice or code values... But, in fact, a man's sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself."
"He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience--or to fake--a sense of self-esteem."
"The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer--because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of achievement, not the possession of a brainless slut. He does not seek to gain value, he seeks to express it. There is no conflict between the standards of his mind and the desires of his body... Love is our response to our highest values--and can be nothing else. His body will always follow the ultimate logic of his deepest convictions."
"Do you remember what I said about money and about the men who seek to reverse the law of cause and effect? The men who try to replace the mind by seizing the products of the mind? Well, the man who despises himself tries to gain self-esteem from sexual adventures- which can't be done, because sex is not the cause, but an effect and an expression of a man's sense of his own value."
"The men who think that wealth comes from material resources and has no intellectual root or meaning, are the men who think--for the same reason--that sex is a physical capacity which functions independently of one's mind, choice or code values... But, in fact, a man's sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself."
"He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience--or to fake--a sense of self-esteem."
"The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer--because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of achievement, not the possession of a brainless slut. He does not seek to gain value, he seeks to express it. There is no conflict between the standards of his mind and the desires of his body... Love is our response to our highest values--and can be nothing else. His body will always follow the ultimate logic of his deepest convictions."
Monday, September 12, 2011
The River
You will always be the kiss on my lips
You will always be the prayer on my tongue
You will always be a candle that's lit
You will always be the River...
It's just natural that you and I should be together
And if it's not practical then I don't really care
Might as well tell the stars they're made of light
but they're not meant to shine
Tell the birds that God made wings
but they will never fly… never sail an open sky
You will always be the kiss on my lips
You will always be the prayer on my tongue
You will always be a candle that's lit
You will always be the River...
I was young, I thought true love was around every corner
I was wrong I thought our eyes would meet again
I took a trip around the world
had to crash and burn into a thousand pieces
And picking up each one I saw your face reflecting in
Every inch of my skin
You will always be the kiss on my lips
You will always be the prayer on my tongue
You will always be a candle that's lit
You will always be the River
The River than Runs
The River that Runs
Runnin through my head, through my heart
About to carry me away
Even in a drought I look down and see
where the water use to lay
And all it takes is a little rain
And there you are again
Runnin' through my veins
Runnin' through my veins
So bring on the Rain
I say, if loving' you's a storm
bring it on
bring it on
bring on the Rain
bring on the Rain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUl2Yw0tfQM
You will always be the prayer on my tongue
You will always be a candle that's lit
You will always be the River...
It's just natural that you and I should be together
And if it's not practical then I don't really care
Might as well tell the stars they're made of light
but they're not meant to shine
Tell the birds that God made wings
but they will never fly… never sail an open sky
You will always be the kiss on my lips
You will always be the prayer on my tongue
You will always be a candle that's lit
You will always be the River...
I was young, I thought true love was around every corner
I was wrong I thought our eyes would meet again
I took a trip around the world
had to crash and burn into a thousand pieces
And picking up each one I saw your face reflecting in
Every inch of my skin
You will always be the kiss on my lips
You will always be the prayer on my tongue
You will always be a candle that's lit
You will always be the River
The River than Runs
The River that Runs
Runnin through my head, through my heart
About to carry me away
Even in a drought I look down and see
where the water use to lay
And all it takes is a little rain
And there you are again
Runnin' through my veins
Runnin' through my veins
So bring on the Rain
I say, if loving' you's a storm
bring it on
bring it on
bring on the Rain
bring on the Rain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUl2Yw0tfQM
L O V E ... the next ten tears
Wow. It's been ten years. Ten years and 5 days ago I found out my husband at the time had another life that I didn't know about. 5 days later, on 9/11, I was alone in an empty house, 2,000 miles from my family and friends, with MY entire world crashing around me and THE entire world crashing, with such monstrous visuals that my brain still can't and won't wrap around. Life as we all had known it was forever changed, in many, many ways. And for the first time, I felt like I would see the end of the world.
A month later, I said to myself while driving my car to work "if my body is still here in a year, maybe I will start to care again". I know it's a terrible thing to say (and I have learned not to speak such things) but I don't think I cared what happened to my body at the time, almost like I wanted it to hurt as much as I did... That very night I totaled my car in a head on collision. I was in shock and did not go to the hospital. The next night I ended up in the emergency room in the middle of the night, all by myself, with internal bleeding, not knowing if I would lose an organ if the bleeding didn't stop (which it did, thank God). I had cracked/bruised ribs, I started walking differently because of the pain in my lower back, it felt like it was slipping down when I walked for too long and I couldn't lay flat on my back, my knees were numb for years. But I was lucky.
I was in Los Angeles recording an album with Rosemary Butler at the time. When I would go to the studio to sing I had to wear lidocaine patches on my ribs, so I could breathe deep enough to sing because it hurt to breathe. And I loved every minute. She thought I was so brave at the time. What she didn't know was that music was the most pleasurable thing in my life. I fell in love with the studio then. Closed off in the studio I could forget about my life outside for a while. Rosemary was a mentor and an angel to me, she was the very first person who believed in me as an artist, and she gave me a book that changed my life. That book was "the Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. Which I highly recommend even though it led to the painful discovery that my life was not what it seemed, most of what the book said could happen, did happen. But, it started me back on the right path. Which directed me back home, in every sense of the word.
I tried going back to find love where I had left it, but it had gone. So in 2002, broken and bruised in more ways than one, instead of moving to Atlanta where my family was, I moved to Nashville, by myself. To start a new life.
Now it's 9/11/11... Here I am looking back over the last ten years, and thinking about what I want the next ten years to be about. I happened across a candle in the closet tonight called "Love"... I had it for years and never burned it. I got out the "Love" candle. I got out my bible. I said a prayer and watched it burn. I prayed for my heart to be open, I prayed that I will find love, I prayed that people I love are happy, I prayed in God's name and in His will these things for my life.
I got out my guitar. And I finished a song called "the River". And thought back on the ten years since my life was forever changed. And I thought about Love. I have felt that ticking clock again in the last couple weeks. Something I haven't felt in a while, but something recently made it all start swirling up again. Maybe it's just time that I let that go for good and set that love free... How can I find a love in the future if my heart is tied to the past? I know I can't do anything, but in God all things are possible.
"If love is but a space in time, suspended by the heavens between two stars, let me find that love again. I tried going back to the place where I had left it but it had gone. I tried to follow it, I tried to wait for it to come back, but it did not. I will set it free."
The last ten years for me have been about "change"... Looking back, I would say I had to crash, literally and figuritively, and lose EVERYTHING I had, to be able to let go of my own will, and trust in something bigger. To be built on a rock, from the soul up. I wouldn't want to redo the last ten years, but they led me to the best thing I have ever done. Giving up and redirecting my life to Jesus Christ. He saved me and anything and everything good in me and in this world is His. That is at my core, that is my North Star, He is the light to my feet.
So tonight, 9/11/11, my wish is L O V E... THAT is what I want the next ten years to be about.
A month later, I said to myself while driving my car to work "if my body is still here in a year, maybe I will start to care again". I know it's a terrible thing to say (and I have learned not to speak such things) but I don't think I cared what happened to my body at the time, almost like I wanted it to hurt as much as I did... That very night I totaled my car in a head on collision. I was in shock and did not go to the hospital. The next night I ended up in the emergency room in the middle of the night, all by myself, with internal bleeding, not knowing if I would lose an organ if the bleeding didn't stop (which it did, thank God). I had cracked/bruised ribs, I started walking differently because of the pain in my lower back, it felt like it was slipping down when I walked for too long and I couldn't lay flat on my back, my knees were numb for years. But I was lucky.
I was in Los Angeles recording an album with Rosemary Butler at the time. When I would go to the studio to sing I had to wear lidocaine patches on my ribs, so I could breathe deep enough to sing because it hurt to breathe. And I loved every minute. She thought I was so brave at the time. What she didn't know was that music was the most pleasurable thing in my life. I fell in love with the studio then. Closed off in the studio I could forget about my life outside for a while. Rosemary was a mentor and an angel to me, she was the very first person who believed in me as an artist, and she gave me a book that changed my life. That book was "the Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. Which I highly recommend even though it led to the painful discovery that my life was not what it seemed, most of what the book said could happen, did happen. But, it started me back on the right path. Which directed me back home, in every sense of the word.
I tried going back to find love where I had left it, but it had gone. So in 2002, broken and bruised in more ways than one, instead of moving to Atlanta where my family was, I moved to Nashville, by myself. To start a new life.
Now it's 9/11/11... Here I am looking back over the last ten years, and thinking about what I want the next ten years to be about. I happened across a candle in the closet tonight called "Love"... I had it for years and never burned it. I got out the "Love" candle. I got out my bible. I said a prayer and watched it burn. I prayed for my heart to be open, I prayed that I will find love, I prayed that people I love are happy, I prayed in God's name and in His will these things for my life.
I got out my guitar. And I finished a song called "the River". And thought back on the ten years since my life was forever changed. And I thought about Love. I have felt that ticking clock again in the last couple weeks. Something I haven't felt in a while, but something recently made it all start swirling up again. Maybe it's just time that I let that go for good and set that love free... How can I find a love in the future if my heart is tied to the past? I know I can't do anything, but in God all things are possible.
"If love is but a space in time, suspended by the heavens between two stars, let me find that love again. I tried going back to the place where I had left it but it had gone. I tried to follow it, I tried to wait for it to come back, but it did not. I will set it free."
The last ten years for me have been about "change"... Looking back, I would say I had to crash, literally and figuritively, and lose EVERYTHING I had, to be able to let go of my own will, and trust in something bigger. To be built on a rock, from the soul up. I wouldn't want to redo the last ten years, but they led me to the best thing I have ever done. Giving up and redirecting my life to Jesus Christ. He saved me and anything and everything good in me and in this world is His. That is at my core, that is my North Star, He is the light to my feet.
So tonight, 9/11/11, my wish is L O V E... THAT is what I want the next ten years to be about.
Friday, September 9, 2011
The River
I learned a new chord in "Over the Sea to Skye" and I don't even know what it is, but I played it by itself and it started this song. I pretty much wrote the chorus immediately to that one chord.
So last Thursday, when a co-writer canceled, coo writing ensued. By my favorite picture window, with Martin in hand, I saw a couple birds flying by and that started me off working on "the River"... (finished it 9/11/11)
This IS a new song and right now one of my favorite things I've written... So I lit a candle called "Love" and made a video... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUl2Yw0tfQM
The River
You will always be the kiss on my lips
You will always be the prayer on my tongue
You will always be the candle that's lit
You will always be the river...
So last Thursday, when a co-writer canceled, coo writing ensued. By my favorite picture window, with Martin in hand, I saw a couple birds flying by and that started me off working on "the River"... (finished it 9/11/11)
This IS a new song and right now one of my favorite things I've written... So I lit a candle called "Love" and made a video... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUl2Yw0tfQM
The River
You will always be the kiss on my lips
You will always be the prayer on my tongue
You will always be the candle that's lit
You will always be the river...
Thursday, September 8, 2011
I Do
{written by Penny Dale and Laurie Webb}
This is not a new song... I wrote it years ago. At the time, someone I was in love with was getting married to someone else. I knew when they were getting married, and for months leading up to that day my heart beat like a clock. It was such a constant uneasiness I thought the ticking countdown clock in my heart would drive me insane, and there was nothing I could do. After the date passed, the clock stopped and just left me with a dull sadness. But at least the clock had stopped...
I never played this song out or really for anybody, until recently. There was a week of a full moon and somehow I felt the clock again. I guess the song just wanted to be played, so I made a little video of it. Days later I found Laurie again, I hadn't talked to her in years! And we may demo it soon.
The strangest part? And something that I just realized (believe it or not), the significance of the song's title, "I Do"...
I Do
Tonight I can feel you
Looking up at the same moon
and just like the faithful tides
I am so drawn to you
I can't forget how you touched me
Or the look in your eyes
And I'd die just to hold you
Though I know it ain't right
I go crazy, lately
thinking of you
I know it's crazy, to want you
the way that I do
and baby I do
And the pleasure of your memory
Is such a dangerous muse
I can't have you and I can't let you go
Either way I lose
And now I'm staring down the barrel
Of a life without your face
Knowing we're alive, and not together baby
Is gonna drive me insane
I go crazy, lately
thinking of you
I know it's crazy, to want you
the way that I do
and baby I do
Words just can't say what I, say what I feel for you baby
Words just can't say what I, say what I feel for you baby
Ooooh, oooh oooh
OOOOOh
----
listen to the song here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7ruk0N4EhY
Laurie Webb is freaking unbelievable... check her out here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vu-gSBizv-g&feature=related
http://lollievox.bandcamp.com/album/the-songwriter-demos
or Lollievox.com
This is not a new song... I wrote it years ago. At the time, someone I was in love with was getting married to someone else. I knew when they were getting married, and for months leading up to that day my heart beat like a clock. It was such a constant uneasiness I thought the ticking countdown clock in my heart would drive me insane, and there was nothing I could do. After the date passed, the clock stopped and just left me with a dull sadness. But at least the clock had stopped...
I never played this song out or really for anybody, until recently. There was a week of a full moon and somehow I felt the clock again. I guess the song just wanted to be played, so I made a little video of it. Days later I found Laurie again, I hadn't talked to her in years! And we may demo it soon.
The strangest part? And something that I just realized (believe it or not), the significance of the song's title, "I Do"...
I Do
Tonight I can feel you
Looking up at the same moon
and just like the faithful tides
I am so drawn to you
I can't forget how you touched me
Or the look in your eyes
And I'd die just to hold you
Though I know it ain't right
I go crazy, lately
thinking of you
I know it's crazy, to want you
the way that I do
and baby I do
And the pleasure of your memory
Is such a dangerous muse
I can't have you and I can't let you go
Either way I lose
And now I'm staring down the barrel
Of a life without your face
Knowing we're alive, and not together baby
Is gonna drive me insane
I go crazy, lately
thinking of you
I know it's crazy, to want you
the way that I do
and baby I do
Words just can't say what I, say what I feel for you baby
Words just can't say what I, say what I feel for you baby
Ooooh, oooh oooh
OOOOOh
I go crazy, lately
thinking of you
I know it's crazy, to want you
the way that I do, I do
Baby I do
Baby I do
I do----
listen to the song here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7ruk0N4EhY
Laurie Webb is freaking unbelievable... check her out here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vu-gSBizv-g&feature=related
http://lollievox.bandcamp.com/album/the-songwriter-demos
or Lollievox.com
"Words once bells, now no longer ring"
Not loving someone anymore was described once this way, or maybe not believing them anymore. How brilliant... How sad...
Like a vacant church.
 |
Like a vacant church.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The Guest House
"This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond."
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond."
-Rumi
{I can't take credit for finding this poem, but I saw it on another blog today http://johnpaulroney.blogspot.com/... how wonderful...}
Thursday, August 25, 2011
st st studio
People always ask me, do you love to be on stage? I wouldn't say that exactly, but I've definitely gotten better at it. It's like a ride... doing something that causes fear, you do it anyway, it's over, and then you want to do it again.
I'd say, what I love the most, is the studio. I love being behind closed doors and putting a song down with really talented and creative people. Probably one of my favorite things in the world. I never get bored of it, it never takes too long.
I feel very comfortable in that little box, with a microphone and a headset on. I can close my eyes and there is nothing else going on in the world, except living the lines of that song at that moment. AND, it's usually a whole lotta fun... aka, check out the video below, especially when in the studio with your best friends...
http://youtu.be/NXTxjM4YJHE
So pretty much, I love everything about taking a new creation, letting it fly around the room and then getting a 3-D "picture" of it in fixed form. I guess in the studio I'm not afraid of taking chances and making mistakes, they can be erased and no one will hear. Playing it live? I'm a perfectionist, so I like it to always sound perfect (which you can't always control)... But I'm learning to just let it go. And somehow the less I care about being perfect, the more perfect it becomes.
I'd say, what I love the most, is the studio. I love being behind closed doors and putting a song down with really talented and creative people. Probably one of my favorite things in the world. I never get bored of it, it never takes too long.
I feel very comfortable in that little box, with a microphone and a headset on. I can close my eyes and there is nothing else going on in the world, except living the lines of that song at that moment. AND, it's usually a whole lotta fun... aka, check out the video below, especially when in the studio with your best friends...
http://youtu.be/NXTxjM4YJHE
So pretty much, I love everything about taking a new creation, letting it fly around the room and then getting a 3-D "picture" of it in fixed form. I guess in the studio I'm not afraid of taking chances and making mistakes, they can be erased and no one will hear. Playing it live? I'm a perfectionist, so I like it to always sound perfect (which you can't always control)... But I'm learning to just let it go. And somehow the less I care about being perfect, the more perfect it becomes.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Love Doves
Birds, trees and the forest keep entering my conscious and subconscious these days. Their themes interwoven with the themes in my life, and I don't know why exactly, but I'm going to go with it. I was reading about doves and how they sit on their branch and "coo" to attract their lover. And I thought, that is exactly what I will do...
My house has 2 beautiful trees out each of my favorite windows. I am going to sit here on my branch and sing... until someone hears my song.
Is that silly? I think not. It works for love birds!
Here are some other things they do... sound familiar? ;*)
My house has 2 beautiful trees out each of my favorite windows. I am going to sit here on my branch and sing... until someone hears my song.
Is that silly? I think not. It works for love birds!
Here are some other things they do... sound familiar? ;*)
- Singing: Singing is one of the most common ways birds can attract a mate. The intricacy of the song, or the variety of different songs one bird can produce, help to advertise its maturity and intelligence – desirable characteristics for a healthy mate. For some species, only one gender will sing, while other species may create a duet as part of the bonding ritual.
- Displays: Flamboyant plumage colors and elaborate displays of prominent feathers, skin or body shape can show off how strong and healthy a bird is, advertising its suitability as a mate.
- Dancing: Physical movements, from daring dives to intricate sequences including wing flaps, head dips, or different steps can be part of a courtship ritual. In many species, the male alone will dance for his female while she observes his actions, while in other species both partners will interact with one another. Dance mistakes show inexperience or hesitancy and would likely not lead to a successful mating.
- Preening: Close contact between male and female birds can be part of the courtship rituals to help diffuse their normal spatial boundaries and aggression. The birds may lightly preen one another, sit with their bodies touching or otherwise lean on one another to show that they are not intending to harm their partner.
- Feeding: Offering food is another common part of the bird courtship behavior for many species. Typically a male bird may bring a morsel to the female, demonstrating that he is able not only to find food, but that he can share it and is able to provide for her while she incubates eggs or tends the brood. For some species the male may just bring food and transfer it to the female for her to feed, while in other species he will place a seed or insect directly in her mouth just as he might be expected to do when helping feed hungry nestlings.
- Building: Some birds seek to attract a mate by showing off their architectural skills. Constructing nests before the female arrives is a way for males to claim territory and show the suitable nesting areas they can defend. They may also decorate the nest with pebbles, moss, flowers or even litter to make it more eye-catching. The female may then choose the nest she prefers, or she may still build her own after mating with her chosen male.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Ghost music clip... Can anyone identify this song?
I recorded a song called "Meet Me at the Beach" in the studio with Eric Fritsch. He was recording the guitar parts through his amp. When he got to the very end of the song and hit the last note on the guitar, this music came through the amp... We don't know what song it is or where it came from. It was captured on the recording and has always been on my album at the end of the song.
I've tried to find out what song this is. Eric turned up the volume and made a "loop" of the piece of the song we recorded.
Can anyone identify this song? I think it's from the 1930's or 1940's...
(I took down the link, email me and I'll send you mp3... if you know of anyone who specializes/knows old music, PLEASE let me know... I want to find out what song it is!) I think I danced to it, in another life...
I've tried to find out what song this is. Eric turned up the volume and made a "loop" of the piece of the song we recorded.
Can anyone identify this song? I think it's from the 1930's or 1940's...
(I took down the link, email me and I'll send you mp3... if you know of anyone who specializes/knows old music, PLEASE let me know... I want to find out what song it is!) I think I danced to it, in another life...
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Shack in the Woods...
When I moved to Nashville, I knew for me to stay here I would have to have family here. My family, or start a new family. I've been here a while. I have the most amazing friends in the world, I love them and they will be my friends forever, they are "family". But, at the end of the night, they go home... and then, it's just me.
I was open to the possibility of life without Nashville and found myself in Atlanta last year. Everything I owned in the Madison, TN Public Storage. I sold my house 2 days before the Nashville flood and was supposed to move into a new place in Nashville, but that didn't work out, so I found myself in Atlanta. Sleeping on my parents couch (well not sleeping, awake in the middle of the night) I prayed... basically for work for my hands, my life's work. If it was not music, show me what it was! I had been telling God I would do whatever He asked me if He would just speak loud enough for me to hear.
The next morning (11 am to be exact) a good friend called from Nashville with a job offer... Could I take her old job? The employer wanted someone by word of mouth and I was the only person she recommended. She was moving on to take a full time job as Assistant to the pastor of a church. She said the job was great AND because it was part time and flexible hours it had allowed her (and would me) to continue music. If I wanted it, I had to move back and start in two weeks. So I took that for as much of a sign that in my heart I could not refuse, and I moved back to Nashville in October. (more on this, the job and God's apparent sense of humor in another post)
What's the point? A song of course... and that if all else fails, I'll just buy a little shack out in the woods. Hell, I don't need much anymore! I can write and be inspired anywhere. A guitar, some wine, and a boat (and some cool Frye boots). Yeah.
One of my goals is to have a boat, learn to drive it well and have a place by the water. I don't care if it's a shack in the woods... as long as it's filled with music and the one I love.
So I started writing that song today. When I finish it, I'll post it here and you'll know just where the idea came from... Until then, I just show up, suit up, and wait to find out why God moved me back to Nashville.
- - - -
Update... 2013... Well... I finished that song...!!! and as promised, will post it here...!!
http://www.reverbnation.com/pennydale/song/14766536-shack-in-the-woods
- - - -
Best of both worlds? (IPO)
Have a place in the city...
A getaway to get to whenever you want to get gone...
and the freedom to get there often.
To live and work with friends (in my case songwriters) and get out of town with them often, so really, even then you are "working" you're just doing what you love. Everybody brings an instrument and work becomes play = my dream. Just need one more thing. I don't think my little shack would be complete without some love being made inside.... : )
I just need someone to dance with...
and to write the next verse.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Coincidence?
I don't believe it is a coincidence that a tree reminds me of a human heart.
Or that dog is God spelled backwards...
Or that dog is God spelled backwards...
Liberal... the new "Conservative" ?
Why do I get the impression some liberals think they are smarter than everyone else? Many of the liberals that pride themselves on being "open minded" want to give everyone the right to their freedoms and opinions except the Christians and "Conservatives"...
are they then becoming the same thing that they "allege" these conservatives to be?
are they then becoming the same thing that they "allege" these conservatives to be?
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Bliss
I'm tired of trying to be really good at something... I think I'm going to find something I'm really terrible at and have a great time doing it!!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Records and Bribery
I've taken to bribing myself... Most of the time it's to get through some event that I might be stressing over. I will tell myself things like, "If you practice tonight and get through your show tomorrow night, the next day will be Saturday and you can relax and watch a movie in the afternoon!!'' (ahhh, so decadent!!)
Being a musician never stops. Sometimes I dream about a job where when you get off at 5, you're OFF.
Preparing for a show takes a lot of time, and ALL my attention. There's putting a band together, deciding on a set list (which entails practice), deciding on song order, emailing the songs/set to band, rehearsal (more practice), getting equipment ready, etc. Finding something to wear?! Forget ahbout it!! Add that to all the normal everyday shit that adds up? oh yeah, everything just starts running together. You don't have time to enjoy the days leading up to shows, and then BAM, the show is over.
I use to get really down after a show. I guess because I had built it up to be a big, important, make or break deal. But you know what? Tomorrow you will wake up after a show, and it's just another day. So now I use bribes or "treats", so I have something to look forward to when it's over! It could be a sushi roll, it could be a cigarette, or a movie in the afternoon... ;*) I've lowered my standards, if that's what you call it, to just enjoy some really plain and "simple" things... If I had a honey, it might include a bottle of wine and a game at home... a movie at the Belcourt perhaps? Bowling?
I have a show tomorrow. So today's treat was 3 records from Goodwill... music I had never heard. So, sometime this weekend I will be chillin' and spinning some old records. Scotch or Martini? Yes.
Being a musician never stops. Sometimes I dream about a job where when you get off at 5, you're OFF.
Preparing for a show takes a lot of time, and ALL my attention. There's putting a band together, deciding on a set list (which entails practice), deciding on song order, emailing the songs/set to band, rehearsal (more practice), getting equipment ready, etc. Finding something to wear?! Forget ahbout it!! Add that to all the normal everyday shit that adds up? oh yeah, everything just starts running together. You don't have time to enjoy the days leading up to shows, and then BAM, the show is over.
I use to get really down after a show. I guess because I had built it up to be a big, important, make or break deal. But you know what? Tomorrow you will wake up after a show, and it's just another day. So now I use bribes or "treats", so I have something to look forward to when it's over! It could be a sushi roll, it could be a cigarette, or a movie in the afternoon... ;*) I've lowered my standards, if that's what you call it, to just enjoy some really plain and "simple" things... If I had a honey, it might include a bottle of wine and a game at home... a movie at the Belcourt perhaps? Bowling?
I have a show tomorrow. So today's treat was 3 records from Goodwill... music I had never heard. So, sometime this weekend I will be chillin' and spinning some old records. Scotch or Martini? Yes.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
The Eagle and the Hawk
http://youtu.be/_ArnbiHx6hk
f*@king beautiful... excuse my french, couldn't think of anything else to describe John Denver and this song right now... turn it up, close your eyes, and fly...
f*@king beautiful... excuse my french, couldn't think of anything else to describe John Denver and this song right now... turn it up, close your eyes, and fly...
Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between success and failure... What is Success? A Great Love...
I just watched one of the most beautiful films I've ever seen... Troublesome Creek "A Midwestern".
Documentary of a midwestern farming family through the last 50 years, filmed and narrated by members of the family. I can't recommend enough, especially to anyone from the Midwest, and anyone who knows the feeling of a generation, and a way of life, moving on... My family is from Illinois, this movie hits home, heart, and the essence of family.
Documentary of a midwestern farming family through the last 50 years, filmed and narrated by members of the family. I can't recommend enough, especially to anyone from the Midwest, and anyone who knows the feeling of a generation, and a way of life, moving on... My family is from Illinois, this movie hits home, heart, and the essence of family.
 | ||
| Visiting your parents eventual gravesite, with your parents... |
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| 50th Wedding Anniversary... In the "Church Basement" |
 |
| Anniversary quilt, each square a memory... sewn by the family |
 |
| the road into town, "probably drove 6,000 times", etched into memory... |
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| Momma and Daddy, young... love. |
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| Inspiration... Good guys and Bad guys |
 |
| Daddy, Grandpa and Great Grandpa... 100 years of Farming |
 |
| Dusk on the Farm... Prairie Moon |
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Two Stars
If love is but a space in time, suspended in the heavens between two stars, let me find that place again. I tried going back to where I had left it, but it had gone. I tried to follow it, wait for it to come back, but it did not. So I set it free.
My only wish was that my love would not sacrifice true love, and that he be suspended in time between two stars. If one was not me, then let it be bright, sound and beautiful enough to last a lifetime.
My only wish was that my love would not sacrifice true love, and that he be suspended in time between two stars. If one was not me, then let it be bright, sound and beautiful enough to last a lifetime.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
A flower in the desert
A while back I decided to read the bible, book by book. I started in the old testament. Got a ways, and then decided to start in the New Testament... ; ) I got to Corinthians. When I started reading it, I remember thinking, "aw man, this is going to be a boring chapter". By the end I was blown away with some of the things I learned. And I thought, of course... that is perfect par for second guessing the Lord. Just when you least expect it, He will blow you away.
It made me think about my life. Sometimes there's a chapter that is not something I really want to go through. We are bored, lonely, uncomfortable, not where we want to be. It's then that I should remember, God always has something right around the corner... A new chapter, new information, deeper understanding, maybe even something b e a u t i f u l.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
When we get to that spot we don't really want to be in, sometimes all we can do is just keep walking... ("show up, suit up and do the next right thing" as David Foster would say.) When you trust in God's plan, you will always be in the right place. And you will see that flower, rising up from the cracks, in the desert floor.
It made me think about my life. Sometimes there's a chapter that is not something I really want to go through. We are bored, lonely, uncomfortable, not where we want to be. It's then that I should remember, God always has something right around the corner... A new chapter, new information, deeper understanding, maybe even something b e a u t i f u l.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
When we get to that spot we don't really want to be in, sometimes all we can do is just keep walking... ("show up, suit up and do the next right thing" as David Foster would say.) When you trust in God's plan, you will always be in the right place. And you will see that flower, rising up from the cracks, in the desert floor.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Who Am I? What do I do?
As an artist, sometimes it is hard to define "success" or feel successful. What is success? Will I be successful when I am making a lot of money? When I get a number 1 song? When I write a song that touches 1 person?
As artists, are we ever satisfied?
Am I what my job says I am? Am I who my peers think I am? Am I the sum of my mistakes?
I'm learning that a job is only secondary, not the source. EVERYTHING, is secondary. God is the source. You can get fired from a job, but not from your life's work. Ultimately, I work for God. It doesn't matter what people here on earth may think of my value, God see's me work... He knows me.
I just pray that He speak loud enough and light the path so brightly that my feet will know which way to go.
And that I always remember, I am who God says I am.
As artists, are we ever satisfied?
Am I what my job says I am? Am I who my peers think I am? Am I the sum of my mistakes?
I'm learning that a job is only secondary, not the source. EVERYTHING, is secondary. God is the source. You can get fired from a job, but not from your life's work. Ultimately, I work for God. It doesn't matter what people here on earth may think of my value, God see's me work... He knows me.
I just pray that He speak loud enough and light the path so brightly that my feet will know which way to go.
And that I always remember, I am who God says I am.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Crashville...
When I moved to Nashville I knew that to stay here I would have to have family here, my own or start a new one. I had been here a while. I can't even begin to tell the things I have been through since arriving here in 2002 (spiritual and otherwise) with cd in hand, except to say that I am a different person than when I arrived. The worst of times led me to the best thing I have ever done, which was turn over my life to Jesus in a car after church one Sunday. I couldn't control my life any more (evidently wasn't doing a very good job anyway) and I gave up and gave in to God's will. Not that anything became easier after that! But that was the start.
Let's just say, the business of music is not easy. Ask me sometime and I'll tell you, too much to mention here... But when I wrote the song "Love & Roses" I felt like I was dying. I literally felt like I had depleted all my resources within my body and around me. With a broken band, broken friendships, a broken house and a broken heart, I gave up on Nashville.
I sold my house (the DAY before the flood), put everything I owned in storage. I was supposed to move into another house and that didn't work out. So I was going to take a month off and then start renting a house and that didn't work out. Then I got a job in Atlanta, so I took it. I didn't really know what I was going to do. I told God I'd do whatever He wanted me to if He would just speak loud enough for me to hear.
I was working at a clothing store in Virginia Highlands, I told myself it would be great experience if I ever decided to open a store. But it was just a job. I was awake in the middle of the night, sleeping on my parents couch, and I started praying. I raised my hands and asked God to give me work for my hands, I don't know exactly why I prayed this, except for feeling that I wanted to find my life's work!! If it's not music, SHOW ME what it is? The next MORNING at 11 am, my friend called me from Nashville with a job offer. It was a great job, part time flexible hours, so I could still write and pursue music. (It was her old job and she had just got offered a job as the assistant to a pastor at a big church in Nashville). If I wanted the job I had to move back and start in 2 weeks. The job? (and remember my prayer for "work for my hands") Cleaning!!!!!!! Ha! Don't tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor... And also shopping, organizing, working with landcapers, computer people, decorating, cooking, buying his Christmas tree, decorating it, taking dog to the vet, anything the doctor wants me to do... The job is "house manager" for a doctor. Anyway, every time I'm cleaning I have to laugh at that. And that I told God I would do anything He asked me to do. I think He was testing me, but I'm not going to let Him down.
So I interviewed with the doctor, got the job, and moved back to Nashville last October.
Why did God bring me back here? I don't know. I'm just showing up, suiting up and waiting... I think God wants to teach me about patience as well, I never was good at that.
Let's just say, the business of music is not easy. Ask me sometime and I'll tell you, too much to mention here... But when I wrote the song "Love & Roses" I felt like I was dying. I literally felt like I had depleted all my resources within my body and around me. With a broken band, broken friendships, a broken house and a broken heart, I gave up on Nashville.
I sold my house (the DAY before the flood), put everything I owned in storage. I was supposed to move into another house and that didn't work out. So I was going to take a month off and then start renting a house and that didn't work out. Then I got a job in Atlanta, so I took it. I didn't really know what I was going to do. I told God I'd do whatever He wanted me to if He would just speak loud enough for me to hear.
I was working at a clothing store in Virginia Highlands, I told myself it would be great experience if I ever decided to open a store. But it was just a job. I was awake in the middle of the night, sleeping on my parents couch, and I started praying. I raised my hands and asked God to give me work for my hands, I don't know exactly why I prayed this, except for feeling that I wanted to find my life's work!! If it's not music, SHOW ME what it is? The next MORNING at 11 am, my friend called me from Nashville with a job offer. It was a great job, part time flexible hours, so I could still write and pursue music. (It was her old job and she had just got offered a job as the assistant to a pastor at a big church in Nashville). If I wanted the job I had to move back and start in 2 weeks. The job? (and remember my prayer for "work for my hands") Cleaning!!!!!!! Ha! Don't tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor... And also shopping, organizing, working with landcapers, computer people, decorating, cooking, buying his Christmas tree, decorating it, taking dog to the vet, anything the doctor wants me to do... The job is "house manager" for a doctor. Anyway, every time I'm cleaning I have to laugh at that. And that I told God I would do anything He asked me to do. I think He was testing me, but I'm not going to let Him down.
So I interviewed with the doctor, got the job, and moved back to Nashville last October.
Why did God bring me back here? I don't know. I'm just showing up, suiting up and waiting... I think God wants to teach me about patience as well, I never was good at that.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Guilty pleasure? or best show on TV...
Why Dancing With the Stars is the best show on TV
10. It reminds me of the family TV shows of yesteryear, when there was only ABC, CBS and NBC
9. (connected to 10) I know I will remember watching these shows when I'm 80... looking back...
8. Any age group can watch
7. They put on a GREAT show... Amazing dancing, Singers (Opera, Rock, R&B, Pop, Country) The guest judge from England said "Nobody does it (puts on a show) like the Americans"
6. I ususally cry at least ONCE every show
5. (connected to 6) Watching bodies move so beautifully to music and to the absolute limit of what they are capable of moves me
4. You see people transform by the beginning of the show to the end, not only psysically, emotionally... personally
3. The goal is to let it all hang out and leave it all on the floor... you won't win holding anything back and the energy they exude is incredible
2. You see extremely talented people from all different genres pushing themselves in ways they have never done before, you watch them step up... and they inspire you
1. Stevie Nicks just sang Landslide live
10. It reminds me of the family TV shows of yesteryear, when there was only ABC, CBS and NBC
9. (connected to 10) I know I will remember watching these shows when I'm 80... looking back...
8. Any age group can watch
7. They put on a GREAT show... Amazing dancing, Singers (Opera, Rock, R&B, Pop, Country) The guest judge from England said "Nobody does it (puts on a show) like the Americans"
6. I ususally cry at least ONCE every show
5. (connected to 6) Watching bodies move so beautifully to music and to the absolute limit of what they are capable of moves me
4. You see people transform by the beginning of the show to the end, not only psysically, emotionally... personally
3. The goal is to let it all hang out and leave it all on the floor... you won't win holding anything back and the energy they exude is incredible
2. You see extremely talented people from all different genres pushing themselves in ways they have never done before, you watch them step up... and they inspire you
1. Stevie Nicks just sang Landslide live
Monday, May 2, 2011
"New" quilts... just aren't the same are they
like love, they get more beautiful in time...
i feel like a patchwork quilt
like my grandma use to make
i don't have a lot of frills
one side's torn
and one side's stained
i've spent so much time
trying to hide these tattered colors
but when you came along
all that changed...
A few of my favorite things:
my grandmother's quilt and
my Bug Bella...
my <3
all wrapped up in one comfy, warm, chunky, little brindle package
i feel like a patchwork quilt
like my grandma use to make
i don't have a lot of frills
one side's torn
and one side's stained
i've spent so much time
trying to hide these tattered colors
but when you came along
all that changed...
A few of my favorite things:
my grandmother's quilt and
my Bug Bella...
my <3
all wrapped up in one comfy, warm, chunky, little brindle package
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The Dentist or the Tax Man?
It's April 17. Taxes due tomorrow. I haven't started. Not that I have that complicated of a filing mind you, if you know what I mean. And the tax people, they don't seem to understand songwriters. It's so much fun sitting there, trying to explain to them, or not. Makes me wonder if I'd rather go to the dentist... That's a tough one.
Either way a good drilling!
Either way a good drilling!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
a dimly lit, but inviting corner...
I've discovered I have a knack for unintentionally pissing people off. I've spent a lot of time berating myself and wondering... how does this happen? I'm such a nice person? Probably has a lot to do with the Aries "Ram" thing, you know the directness (lack of tact?), impulsiveness and I couldn't lie to save my life. But I am at heart a fighter, I believe in things, things matter to me. And the less and less "beige" my life has become, the more this may happen... (Although I am learning, you can't lose a fight you don't enter.)
To some, the art of conversation is arguing, to me it's a highly enjoyable pastime. Fun is a night of comrades having a few and discussing things... throw in some cards, maybe a couple instruments, music? You've got yourself a party! Loud, noisy, pick-up bars? Rather be shot. Give me a stiff drink and a spirited conversation, in a dimly lit but inviting corner...
I was so inspired by a fellow musician's blog, that I've decided to do that here... since I am at heart also a writer. This will be a place for ideas that may or may not fit on my music page. Writing is a vacation for me. A head trip, literally, but a good one. A weekend getaway if you will, to recoup, before heading back out to battle.
So let's head out to the countryside... There's an old house... Close to the water... More rustic than elegant... The kind that my dad described going to with his family to play poker and fish. Over the wooden bridge, clackety clackety clack clack clack, turning right, down the gravel road. The lights are on and you can hear laughing from inside. Laughing of your grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles and friends. Yeah, you'd recognize Grandma Henderson's laugh anywhere! My place would have a big den with dark hardwood floors and a deep red, oriental rug under a thick wooden coffee table (perfect for games)... an old, worn-soft, leather nail head couch... an over-sized fabric chair with an ottoman... books... lit candles... open french doors heading out to the deck... and another door leading to a kitchen, filled with lots of food... and wine. We can sit on the patio for a smoke or just breathe in the stars and the cool night air. Oop! Did you hear that fish jump? Shhhh, there's a hoot owl... I could stare at the moon and it's reflection in the water all night... I can hear somebody in the kitchen whipping up a midnight snack, a Ziska smorgasbord! Deal a couple hands of poker, I'm in! And I play a mean rummycube...
If you like loud, noisy, pick up bars? Bet you can leave now and still make it... They're always open, somewhere in town.
Me? I gotta get back to that stiff drink and spirited conversation, in a dimly lit but inviting corner...
To some, the art of conversation is arguing, to me it's a highly enjoyable pastime. Fun is a night of comrades having a few and discussing things... throw in some cards, maybe a couple instruments, music? You've got yourself a party! Loud, noisy, pick-up bars? Rather be shot. Give me a stiff drink and a spirited conversation, in a dimly lit but inviting corner...
I was so inspired by a fellow musician's blog, that I've decided to do that here... since I am at heart also a writer. This will be a place for ideas that may or may not fit on my music page. Writing is a vacation for me. A head trip, literally, but a good one. A weekend getaway if you will, to recoup, before heading back out to battle.
So let's head out to the countryside... There's an old house... Close to the water... More rustic than elegant... The kind that my dad described going to with his family to play poker and fish. Over the wooden bridge, clackety clackety clack clack clack, turning right, down the gravel road. The lights are on and you can hear laughing from inside. Laughing of your grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles and friends. Yeah, you'd recognize Grandma Henderson's laugh anywhere! My place would have a big den with dark hardwood floors and a deep red, oriental rug under a thick wooden coffee table (perfect for games)... an old, worn-soft, leather nail head couch... an over-sized fabric chair with an ottoman... books... lit candles... open french doors heading out to the deck... and another door leading to a kitchen, filled with lots of food... and wine. We can sit on the patio for a smoke or just breathe in the stars and the cool night air. Oop! Did you hear that fish jump? Shhhh, there's a hoot owl... I could stare at the moon and it's reflection in the water all night... I can hear somebody in the kitchen whipping up a midnight snack, a Ziska smorgasbord! Deal a couple hands of poker, I'm in! And I play a mean rummycube...
If you like loud, noisy, pick up bars? Bet you can leave now and still make it... They're always open, somewhere in town.
Me? I gotta get back to that stiff drink and spirited conversation, in a dimly lit but inviting corner...
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